


win them all

by keijiwrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi has a lot of negative thoughts, M/M, Manga Spoilers, bokuaka is very minor, i tried making this the saddest i could, spoilers for chapter 392
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:07:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keijiwrites/pseuds/keijiwrites
Summary: Akaashi couldn't stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks. Someone was still talking but he couldn't listen. He was choking on his suppressed sobs, shoulders shaking as he wiped at his face with his jersey.‘I should have been below the ball. Why was I so slow? I should have set the ball. We could have won. This is my fault.’-Aftermath of finals.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	win them all

Akaashi stared at the spot where the ball landed for a second too long. His hand was trembling, reaching out to nothing. Screams filled his ears but they weren't the screams of his teammates.

No.

They lost nationals.

He continued to stare at the floor, disbelief and guilt flooding his thoughts as the other team cheered for their victory.

"Sorry!" Konoha's voice cut through Akashi's train of thought. He sounded tired but most of all disappointed. "That was on me!"

_No. Don't blame yourself._

"The fact that you could even set the ball was really darn amazing." Bokuto's tone of voice sounded angry. “That was my fault. I had to score off of that one."

Akaashi felt tears prick his eyes. He bit his bottom lip thinking as Bokuto continued speaking.

"Spiking every ball with full confidence is one of the rules of being an ace."

_Please don't blame yourself, Bokuto-san. I can't and don't want to tell you this. Please, don't. You're a perfect ace._

Konoha was still speaking. Akaashi only caught half of it.

"But if I wasn't on the same team as you, I never would've gotten to see this view from center court." They were staring as the opposing team cheered their win. "I consider myself supremely lucky that I was."

Akaashi couldn't stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks. Someone was still talking but he couldn't listen. He was choking on his suppressed sobs, shoulders shaking as he wiped at his face with his jersey.

_I should have been below the ball. Why was I so slow? I should have set the ball. We could have won. This is my fault._

"Hey."

Akaashi rubbed at his cheeks before looking at Konoha. He had a serious look on his face as he looked at his underclassman.

"No one would have been able to save that ball. It was a miracle I was able to set it."

"As expected of our Mr. Jack of all trades."

Akaashi snickered weakly at Komi's comment; Konoha didn't find it as funny. "As I was saying. No one is blaming you. It's written all over your face. If you don't believe me, go ask our ex captain."

Akaashi's heart twisted in his chest, crying harder as he wiped at his cheeks. He wanted to apologize but he wasn't sure what for. He knew the ball was impossible to save. He knew he wouldn't have been able to make the previous set either. He wasn't Kageyama Tobio or Miya Atsumu. 

He wasn't a genius setter.

He was just a normal setter.

The trophy ceremony came and went. Mostly everyone seemed to be in better spirits as they walked to the lockers, talking about the plays they needed to work on. Akaashi felt empty as he walked on autopilot. The last play was still reeling in his head. 

The ball was so close yet so far. 

He slumped on one of the benches in the locker room, hands wringed together tightly. Thoughts of what plays he could have changed or done differently were eating at him. He wanted to keep crying but he was tired.

He was exhausted.

Someone sat next to him, placing a bottle in front of him.

Akaashi reached for it automatically. 

"Don't blame yourself." Komi sighed. "I'm blaming myself enough as it is. If I was just one step closer, I could have received it. It was impossible. Ichibayashi’s blocks are too good. Perfect even. Can’t believe we made it this far.” He let out a quiet chuckle. “It’s over for us third years but everyone else still has another shot. Better get us the win next year.” Komi’s grin was bright as Akaashi nodded, gripping onto the bottle.

_We could have won this year. With this team. If I could've just been there. Why did it take me so long to react? Why couldn't I move? Everyone was playing perfectly. If I was more careful with my sets. If I didn’t get hurt during that block. If I-_

"Akaashi?"

Slowly, Akaashi looked up. Bokuto had the same serious look he had on court. For the second time that day, Akaashi felt his eyes begin to sting.

“I’m sorry!” Akaashi bowed his head, hands tightening on the bottle in his hands. “I should have been there. I’m sorry we couldn’t win them all.” He looked up at Bokuto’s huff of breath.

The serious look on Bokuto’s face was no longer there. Instead his eyes reflected the luminescent light; Akaashi couldn’t read him, couldn’t tell what was going on in his head. It made him want to cry harder. 

“Everyone told me you would blame yourself.” Bokuto had his hands on his hips, eyes on the ceiling. It gave him a mature aura about him. “It’s not your fault, ‘Kaashi. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine. I’m glad we got this far with this team.” He cracked a small smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Well! There’s nothing else we can do. Just look towards the future right?” 

Akaashi let out a wet chuckle. “I guess so.”

“Man, Saru told me to give you an inspiring speech.” His nose scrunched as he pulled a face. “You know . . . everyone agrees you’re gonna be a great captain next year.” 

Akaashi stood from the bench shaking his head. “I won’t be a better captain than you, Bokuto-san.” 

“Well! I am the best after all!” Bokuto’s laugh resonated in Akaashi’s ears making him huff out a laugh. 

His nose was runny and his eyes still stung as he changed clothes and pulled on the Fukurodani trench coat. He took a deep, shaky breath as he picked up his bag from the bench. He made his way out, meeting up with the rest of the team.

Akaashi turned, taking one last look at the court, hoping and praying it wouldn’t be the last time he had this sight in front of him.

“Ready?”

Akaashi turned to see Bokuto, hand outstretched towards him. He noticed Bokuto’s eyes were slightly red, a sign he was crying. Akaashi wasn’t sure when he cried but he blamed himself for not noticing how Bokuto was handling what happened. 

The setter swallowed thickly, taking Bokuto’s offered hand. ”Yeah.” He gave Bokuto’s hand a squeeze, knuckles turning white. He wanted to ask and say so many things, but he bit his tongue. He didn’t want to worsen Bokuto’s mood by accident. 

Once they were seated in the bus, Bokuto slumped against Akaashi. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “I couldn’t get past the blockers.”

Akaashi exhaled sharply. “Bokuto-san, I came to the conclusion that we were all playing good today. You were an ace all the way down to your core. Thank you, for bringing us to nationals.” 

Bokuto looked up, eyes watery as he sniffled. He wiped at his nose with the sleeve of his coat, making Akaashi scrunch his nose in slight disgust. “Sorry. I said we’d win them all and we didn’t.”

“I know.” 

They fell silent, letting the hum of the bus and the chatter of their teammates fill the silence between them. 

_Next year we’ll win them all._

**Author's Note:**

> this is a commission i did for [welcometothehumanrace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/welcometothehumanrace/pseuds/welcometothehumanrace) I had so much fun writing this but it was very sad, I teared up dhdjsjd 
> 
> You can come yell at me on Twitter @/katouhxru or Instagram @/keijiwrites!


End file.
